Scrabbled

“Oh, well, tell me when you’re done. I’m going to go get some coffee.”

“Sure,” she said, and I ran downstairs.

“Hey Mom,” I said, when she came in a few minutes later, “I’m getting the coffee on.”

“Thank you dear,” she said, with nary a comment on my dress code. “How are you doing this morning?”

“Extremely tired,” I said, “my girlfriends kept me up all night chatting about Caleb.”

“Really? I didn’t hear the phone ring… oh, I supposed you used your cell phone.”

“My poor mother,” I said, coming over and kissing her, “you are so behind the times. We ‘chatted’… meaning we talked over the computer. It was a good thing for me, anyway… much less stressful than in person. Speaking of which, I have very bad news.”

“Oh, what’s that?”

“I have two roomates.”

“Of course. Tess and Riverwalk. They are very nice girls… altho Riverwalk is very modern. She choose that name herself, you know. I think she told me she was christened ‘Ruth’.”

I laughed, “Yes, she seemed quite ‘modern’ on the chat. She was most put out that I wasn’t sleeping with Caleb already.”

“In my day…” Mother started, and then, “Jenny?!”

“Hi, Mom,” Jenny said, “I enjoy the new rule.”

“I didn’t realize that it was a rule for you too!” Mom said, and I turned to look at Jenny, parading proudly around in nothing but some purple panties.

“Well, Dad always said that he was opposed to allowing any of his girls to do things the others weren’t allowed to,” Jenny said, walking around very self-consciously and looking for something to do.

“Well, as you wish dear,” Mother said, “Caleb asked me last night if he could come over for breakfast.”

Jenny turned beet red and vanished back up the stairs, and Mother and I laughed. “I can put something on if it is really going to bother you, Mom,” I said.

“Don’t be silly, dear. He is  your fiance now and, as your freind points out, most girls would have slept with their boyfriends long before they got engaged. Besides which,  you know your fathers rule, as long as Caleb…”

“As long as I what?” Caleb said, coming up behind me and hugging me.

“As long as  you are happy with her dress code, that is your business now,” Mother finished.

“Well, I am,” he said, turning me around and kissing me. I thrilled to the feel and the taste and, when he released me, I noticed that he was in nothing but boxers. It was not our first kiss but definitely our first kiss when I was dressed like this. “What can I do to help with breakfast?” He asked. “I want to take my lovely bride shopping as soon as we can get there.”

“Well, the shops don’t even open till nine, dear,” Mother said, “but I know that Morgan would like it if  you made your waffles. You make them so much better than I do. Are you going to call him ‘Morgan’ now?” She asked.

“I woudn’t dream of it, Mother,” he said, coming and kissing her and causing her to blush, “and you know that. I will have a hard enough time adjusting from ‘Mr. Smith’ which I have been using my whole life. So, waffles…” he said, and began bustling about, never too busy to look at me.

It was several minutes later when a still-blushing Jenny came downstairs, in my school shirt, and stopped at the edge of the stairs where Caleb couldn’t see her. I went over to her, “You OK?”

“I couldn’t decide what to do. I was so embarassed at the thought of what I was wearing, but I really wanted to. So I decided to try this. Is it OK?”

“Sure,” I said, “you are his sister now. You can wear whatever you want.”

“Are you sure?”

“Caleb,” I called, “come here a second will you.”

“What’s up?” He said, coming over and seeing a blushing Jenny.

“Jenny wanted to try my dress code, but then she heard you were coming. I told her that she could wear whatever she wanted, no?”

“Sure,” he said, leering at me, “ you think I am going to notice anyone else when Bobbi is around?”

“Is breakfast ready?” Father said, from the top of the stairs.

“Almost Mr… Dad,” Caleb said, and went back to the kitchen.

“Get some OJ on, will you please Jenny,” I said, and went back myself.

The twins loved Caleb’s waffles, and dug in with a will. After a while, though, I noticed Ben was pausing in his eating and staring at me. Staring at my chest, in fact.

“Ben?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady, “Why do you keep looking at me?” I was sure he couldn’t be freaked out by my dress code. The two of them only put clothes on when we forced them.

“Your booby,” he said, and everyone stared at him. “You have waffle on your booby.”

I blushed, and hurriedly grabbed my napkin. I never had had this problem as a boy, and had a hard time looking up afterwards. But then I heard Jenny giggling, and glared at her, and the whole table burst into laughter.

We were sitting quietly a few minutes later , and I had almost stopped blushing, when Dad rustled his paper and said, “Well, you were right Caleb. Look at this,” and passed the paper to Caleb, who was sitting next to him.

“The paper is ticked!” Caleb said, “listen:”

In an unconstitutional move, the federal government yesterday entered our premises and took one of our reporters, and are not only holding him without charge but in an unknown location where our lawyers cannot even speak to him.

In light of the fact that the government refuses to tell us why they have taken him, our guess is that it is because of a recent article he wrote on some college students and a transformation they claim had taken place. The government also seized the reporters computer and made copies of all of our information from our computer….

He finished reading the article, and we all looked at each other. “Do you think we should still go shopping?” Caleb asked Father.

“Yes,” Father said, “not only would it look very odd if you didn’t, we can’t completely shut down our lives. Go and have a good time. I have to get to work.”

“And I need to shower,” I said.

“Can I come watch?” Caleb asked.

“Sure, if you want,” I said, and he blushed.

“I…. I was kidding,” he said.

“I wasn’t,” I said, and dashed upstairs.

“Ooooh, Bobbi, you should have seen it,” Jenny said, coming into my room a half an hour later as I was buttoning up my blouse. She was wearing a nice white skirt with a dark blue blouse. I had had to put on the denim skirt again, but had found a white blouse… under which I had put one of the hated white bras, but at least a plain one.  “He was bright, bright red. And he got red again every time mother and I looked at him.”

“Well, good for him. Are you about ready?”

“Sure. I just have to get my purse. Do you have yours?”

“No purse for me,” I said, and grabbed a backpack.

“Still?” She asked, “Even after…”

“After what?”

“I dunno, I just figured that with you getting married and all…”

“Nope. I guess if he really wants me to I will learn to wear one, but he hasn’t said anything yet.”

“OK.”

“What first?” Caleb asked, as we pulled up to the mall, “the ring or clothes?” He had gone home and gotten dressed while Jenny and I were dressing, and was wearing his slacks and shirt from last night.

“Clothes,” I said, “I want to anticipate the ring, and I don’t care so much about the clothes.”

“OK. First day engaged, and you want to torture me,” he said, grinning.

And it must have been torture too. First of all, no one seemed to carry what I was willing to wear. Blouses would have been easy enough, but we had to find some skirts first. Jenny asked me, “Are  you sure you don’t want to wear dresses,” ten timse before, finally, in one small store, we found a rack of skirts that seemed long enough.

“Which ones do you like?” I asked Caleb.

“Whatever  you like,” he answerd. I grabbed him by the hand. “No. I like this rack. I am willing to wear it. So now it is  your turn. I want you to pick something out, and I will try it on, and you will tell me if you like me in it. And then we will buy it. Got it?”

“Yes,Mmother,” he said. “How about this?”

“OK, I said, ”but give me several, so I don’t have to keep coming back.“

He finally got five skirts picked out, and we went back to the changing area. It had a bench right outside the doors, and Caleb sat there while Jenny came in with me.

“Do you like them?” She whispered.

“Yeah, they’re fine.”

“But…”

“But what?” I said, “Do you think this fits?”

“No, she said, ”it is a bit too big.“

“Well, could you go get the next size down,” I said, dropping that one and picking up another.

“Sure,” she said, slipping out.

This one seemed to fit, and I came out, “What do you think?”

“Great,” he said and “It looks fine,” Jenny said, coming up.

“Well, good,” I said, “there’s one, anyway.”

Five minutes later I had five skirts in five basic colors, and Caleb was out a good bit of money. “Blouses then,” I said, “and bras.”

The blouses were no trouble, and the bras were fun.

“Come here,” I said, “and help me pick out some bras.”

He ‘came’ very reluctantly, and  only because I pulled him. I knew what that must feel like, I had always abandoned my mother and sister when they went shopping for underwear, and been embarassed whenever they came near when I was picking mine out.

“Well, OK,” He said, and started looking at one rack.

“No,” I said, I don’t like that kind. Over here.“

“These are… oh, I see,” he said, “you like this kind better?”

’Yes. I won’t wear the other kind, so don’t even ask.“

“All right,” he said, “I can’t say I liked them either. What size are you?”

I blushed, realizing I didn’t know. Luckily Jenny did, and he soon had me several picked out.

“OK,” I said, “come watch me try them on.”

“But, I can’t,” he pleaded.

“Sure you can,” I said, “I’ve seen husbands to it all the time.”

Ten minutes later we had the bras, and it had been extremely fun to watch him. Jenny had come in too, and the two of us giggled the whole time. And I had kept one of them on, abandoning the hated regular kind to the bag. The clerk was a little surprised but handled it well, checking us out with merely the tag, which I had wripped off.

“OK, now the ring,” I said, and my heart skipped a few beats. I took his hand while Jenny carried the bags, and we went looking for a jewlers.

“Well, let me guess,” the salesman said, looking at the tableau, and my hand, “an engagement ring?”

I could only nod, and Caleb was silent, so it was left, ironically, to Jenny to say, “Yes, he proposed last night. What do you have?”

They were all wonderful. I just stared at them.

“Bobbi?” Caleb said, but I just clutched him tighter, so he asked to see  one. “Do you like it?”

I nodded.

“Is it your favorite?”

It was the one he had picked out, of course it was my favorite! I nodded again.

“Well, that was easy,” he said, “How much is it?”

The clerk told him, and had my finger measured, and took the ring to the back. I could hardly breathe, waiting.

“Are you sure you like it, Bobbi?” He asked, “If you prefer another…”

“No, no, I love it!” I said, clutching him tighter, and crying. “I love it, I love you.”

But, I realized, I might lose this love, I might lose this ring. In fact, I had an obligation to try. I had enjoyed being a boy, but it seemed like a dream to me now, and I wanted to stay here, stay with Caleb, to stay with this family. But I couldn’t. Every minute I was here some girl, somewhere, was missing her family, her family that I was stealing. Wake up, Bobbi, this is too good to be true!

We all jumped, both at the very formal sound of his voice, and at the words.  A visitor? For me? My heart started pounding furiously, as I envisioned some man in a suit, with a badge and questions. But when we turned around we saw Father and… “Caleb?” I said.

But a rather different Caleb. He had obviously showered, his hair was still wet, and he was dressed in a nice pair of slacks, and a light blue button down shirt. I thought he looked nicer in his carpenter clothes, and would look even better if he took all of it off, but I knew that he had done his best, and my heart beat loudly enough to be heard in his house. He stood, staring at me, and holding the journal out in front of him, almost as a shield, and I knew why he had come, even if I didn’t know what had drive him to do it right now.

Gloria, Jenny,  if I could see you downstairs for a moment,” Father said, and the other girls fled, abandoning me to my fate.
“You know… You look great,Bobbi,” he said, looking very much as if he meant it.

I sat down on the chair at my desk said, “Well, thank you. Mom and Jenny were having me try on some clothes for church. Now, to what do I owe the honor of his visit?” I asked, my pulse rushing wildly in my ears.

“I., your father and I talked it over and we think…” He suddenly went down on one knee and took my ear, “Roberta Michel… Bobbi,” he said, “would you do me the honor of marrying me?”

When I didn’t say anything he rushed on, “Your dad and I talked about and we think he would be really helpful to you. It would mean you could move back here sooner, with an excuse, and that the other girls would expect you to act differently and…”

He stopped because I had put my hand over his mouth. “Do you find me pretty?”

He blushed and stammered, “I know this must be harder with what has happened and I wouldn’t expect you to….”

“I was a boy two days ago, and I know what I want from you. Now, repeat after me, “I find you attractive sexually.”

“I.,, I find you attractive sexually,” he stammered out, flushing.

“And you have a marvelous personality and are incredibly smart and talented.”

He repeated this, grinning now.

“And I promise to love you and never even look at any other girl.”

But as he started to say this I burst out with “Oh, Caleb, I would love to, but how can I?”

“You mean, because Roberta?”

I nodded and he got up and sat in the bed still holding my hands.

“Your father and I talked about this and…” He picked up the journal, “I’m sorry. I read this. I took it home to write it in and I read it… Your father yelled, but then read it too.”

“He says if you are… Seeing as you are willing, your father says  that you can answer for Roberta too. You have to right nowe, and she, hopefully, is somewhere answering for you. So he says, if you will, that you can say yes.”

“Yes,” I said, “but what about you? If she comes back?”

” Well, darling, you should read the journal. She was rather upset at her little Caleb for not already asking.”

“Shall we go downstairs and tell everyone?” I asked, holding up my hand, which he joyfully took.

“Not quite yet,” he said, and turned me toward him.

“Oh,” I said.

“Are you OK with this?” He asked, wrapping his arms around me, and looking down at my face with concern but desire.

“Oh, yes… I just have never done this before, as a girl,” I said.

“Well,” he said, and lowered his face down to mine, “I promise not to hold that against you.”

“Oh wow!” She Jenny, not content to wait in the living room but rushing up the stairs as soon as she saw us.

“Congratulations,” Father said , shaking Caleb’s hand gravely. Boys are so weird.

As was my life. Two days ago I was a boy, and here I was engaged to a boy; a boy, worse, whom I had grown up with as a boy and yet who remembered me as a girl!

Dad broke out the champagne started pouring. Caleb took some, but I opted for sparkling cider.  I have heard that champagne right to your head, and I didn’t need any handicap right now.

“Well, Bobby, shall we go tell my parents?” Caleb said, and my heart jumped in my throat. I clutched at him and said, “Jenny, do you want to come?”

She nodded, excitedly, while Caleb said, tentatively, “if you don’t want to…”

But I said, “What? Of course Your mother would never forgive us if we didn’t go and tell them.”

We walked over together, but when we got to the steps Caleb said, “Wait here just a second,” and went inside. I laughed to myself. I had slept over often enough (as a boy_ to know that his dad spent the evening in his boxers. Which Calbe probably didn’t think appropriate dress for announcing his engagement.

“I’m so excited,” Jenny said, then, “Are you okay with it, as a boy?” she asked.

” Shush,” I responded, “I’m a girl now, remember. And I am fine with. I told you I was trolling for him. I must say I didn’t expect to catch him so soon.”

“You like him, don’t you? As a boy?”

” Silly sister,” I said, as the door opened and Caleb waved his hand.

“Oh, Bobby! Caleb’s mother said. How did you get him to do it?”

“I don’t know, Mrs. Jones,” I said, “he surprised me.”

I finally got back to my bedroom, alone. Mother and Jenny had come into my room and helped me get undressed; no doubt assuming (correctly) that I would have had no idea how to hang everything up to be ready for Sunday. Mom even (and I thought this was a bit over-the-top) took the necklace away to ‘keep for me’.

I knew I couldn’t sleep so I boot up the computer. I logged onto the school website a while was loading I saw a facebook link and click on it. If I was going to pretend I was a girl facebook was a good place to start. If someone asked me something I couldn’t answer, I just pretend not to see it, or to have gone to bed.

“Well, he asked me!” I typed. That sounded like a nice, mysterious, beginning.  It was  only seconds later the girl called “Tess” commented,

“what? When?”

“Tonight.”

“What? How?”

“The old-fashioned way,” I typed, “down on one knee, the whole thing.”

“And a ring?”

“No. We’re going tomorrow, shopping.”

“Is the there?”

“No.”

“Oh, Bobby, you are so cruel,” another girl, called ‘Riverwalk”,

“congratulations,” said a boy ‘James Lee’.

“Thanks James” I replied.

“I mean you won’t even sleep with him the night he proposes! The poor boy,” Riverwalk continued.

“He didn’t look unhappy to me, he looked shocked.” I typed back, blushing.
“What do you folks think?” Tess asked.

“Mom almost died, she was so happy. And Dad, well, he looked all stuffy and proper, but you could tell he was pleased.”

“You want to let a cousin in on the details ?” typed Seth, a cousin of mine from Minnesota.

“His name is Caleb, and we have been neighbors since forever.”

“She’s going to go from being as Smith to a Jones,” River said, and I laughed. Suddenly I had an idea,
“So, what do you think my roommate will think of the whole thing?”

“Silly girl, Rivers said, “we’re thrilled!”

Tess said, “Expect no sleep your first night back!”

What? Two roommates? I flipped over to the school site. Sure enough, Prescott door, all-girls floor, three girls in each room.
Suddenly a Chat window popped up with River and Tess, “Seriously, Bobby, we’re thrilled, of course!” Tess said, “Are you there?”

“Yes,” I typed. “I know. I’m a bit freaked out.”

“So tell us how it happened…”

“Bobby!” Jenny said, laying on my bed with a” were going shopping today! We’re getting all new clothes, and Caleb is paying!” She said, flipping over and staring at my ceililng. She was wearing one of my college t-shirts and a huge grin.

“I’ll teach you, to come in here and wake me up!” I said, tickling her so hard she fell on the floor, “I was up forever last night!”

“Really? Why?” She asked, following me to the bathroom and getting into the shower while I sat.

“Facebook, chat, etc. “Every girl in the United States when asked me about it. Are  you washing your hair?” I asked her.

“Yes, it’s Saturday,” she said.

“Well, call me when you are done, I’m going to go get some coffee.”

“Now?” I asked once we were safely in the truck, Jenny squishing up against me and holding my arm, and I wanting to do the same thing to Caleb but being too embarrassed to do it seriously. “Can you tell us now?”

“Yes.” He said, but it was another minute before he spoke. “Don’t you see? What could they all be doing there? It is a small town. The cops, arresting some drug dealer or something, sure. But all those feds?” He turned and looked at me, “They are after you.”

“Me?!”

“You, the reporter, your family, the other subjects. You have seen my list. Can you imagine what half the things on the list would mean to the government if they actually worked?”

Jenny grabbed my hand, her face pale. “But,” Caleb continued,  “they don’t know about you. Not unless you give yourself away. They can’t arrest all the students at the university.” He stopped talking and stopped the car.

I looked up. I hadn’t been paying attention. We were at my Dad’s hospital. “What are we doing here?” I asked.

“We need to talk to your dad.”

“Hello Mrs. Carver,” Jenny said to the Emergency Room receptionist. I was suddenly tongue tied. It was one thing to be a girl around strangers, and around family, but Mrs. Carver made me nervous. I knew her really well, and had spent many afternoons at her house playing with her son, who was about my age. Surely she would look and know it was me. I leaned up close to Caleb, gripping his arm.

“Well, hello, Jenny, Bobbi, Caleb. What brings you all here?” She asked, looking at me very curiously, and causing me to blush.

“Is my Dad busy, Mrs Carver?” Jenny asked, “We need to talk to him.”

“No… no I don’t think so. Let me call. Suzy? Is Morgan busy? Well, I think…” she covered the phone up and spoke in a whisper. “Oh, thank you. You can go right in, exam room four,” she said, and pressed the buzzer.

Exam room four? The OB/Gyn room? Why did she send us here? I looked at the pelvic exam bed in the corner and blushed. But even as I formed the thought Dad walked in.

“Well, hello,” Said Dad,  and shutting the door behind himself. “I am afraid that you have started quite a rumor in our little hospital, Bobbi. Do you need a pregnancy test or a VD test?” He asked grinning hugely.

“Neither, thanks,” I said, now scarlet at the idea of everyone in the hospital discussing my supposed sexual peccadilloes, “we need some fatherly advise.”

“The interview didn’t go well?” He asked, glancing at his watch, “you can’t hardly have had any time. You were supposed to meet at one, no?”

“The interview didn’t go at all. We got there and there were police all over the place, and not police either, feds,” said Caleb, and I didn’t like the way Father’s face looked after that.

“Well, that is serious. I was a little worried about that kind of thing myself when we first discussed it, but the whole thing seemed so outrageous, that I had dismissed it. I think you guys need to get back home and lay low. When I get home we will discuss it.”

We drove home in silence.

“Hey, I have another job I need to bid out,” Caleb said. I’ll leave you guys for a while, OK? I’ll be back.“

“OK,” I said, and Jenny and I walked disconsolately upstairs, hand in hand, and into the bathroom, where I had to pee.

“I wanted to go shopping with you,” Jenny said, leaning up against the sink.

“I know, Jens,” I said. But instead you can teach me some things. We could shave my legs.“

“Oh, OK,” she said. One thing I liked about Jenny was that she was hard to keep down. So when I finished I got up and went back to my room, hanging my clothes back up, except for the bra, which I put in the laundry, and the panties, which I left on the bed for later. Jenny watched me, shaking her head and fixing the clothes mysteriously.

“I’m ready,” I said.

“OK,” she said, “Go get in the shower and I will get undressed and join you.”

So we spent the next couple of hours in the bathroom, and she showed me how to shave my legs, my arms, she showed me where we kept the pads, how to put them on (not a very difficult concept actually, but she was on a roll and I let her continue). She wanted to teach me about tampons, but I refused. She tried for makeup a couple of times, and I almost spanked her the second time. She even, in a fit of political correctness, showed me how to do a breast self-examination. I sincerely doubt that she did them herself, altho even I had heard Dad (my dad) lecturing her on them.

So I was clean, shaven, and exhausted when I went back to my room to sit and read for a while, pulling on the panties but ignoring the rest. Jenny had had a friend call and she was in her room chatting merrily on the phone.

“Hey, Bobbi, you there?” Caleb called from the door, walking through the open door and stopping abruptly.

“Yeah, come on in,” I said, enjoying the way he blushed and looked down. “Hey, I’m glad you’re here. Could you figure out my email and all?”

Boys are dense. He gladly sat down at my computer and found and wrote down all of my passwords for me… casting a not so subtle glance at me every few seconds, totally forgetting that I had been a computer literate boy just two days ago and could easily have done it myself.

“I have to go  now,” he said an hour later, having carefully written down everything I might need, and he rushed out. I giggled and sat down at the computer.

Great. I had a Facebook page. I scrolled down it and went to my ‘friends’. Great. Dozens of girls I didn’t know, all talking about their lives. Oh, well, I guess this was tonights homework. I had read for about an hour when I heard a noise and turned to see Jenny, again dressed in her shorts and pink t-shirt.

“Hey Bobbi, dinner time,” Jenny said. “Dad is home and we are having stroganoff.”

“Great,” I said, getting up and going out after her, “I love stroganoff.”

“Are… aren’t you going to put something on?” She asked as we went down the stairs.

“Nope. Dad said I didn’t have to.”

“Did you come to dinner like this as a boy?”

“Sometimes,” I said, “Especially in summer.” A statement which was literally true but a little disingenuous. Mom often fed Caleb and I in our underwear in the summer in the kitchen when he was spending the night and we had been in the sprinkler in the backyard. But that was a few years ago, and never when we were all eating together, just when she was waiting to eat with Dad after a long shift. But I had something to prove, and I was going to prove it.

“Hey Dad,” I said, going up and hugging kissing him. I knew that I was  supposed to because Jenny, my Jenny, always did. He looked suprised and pleased; and when we were done he backed me to arms length and stared at my chest, “Well, it has been a while since I have seen those. It seems to me they are bigger than the last time I saw them.”

“I wouldn’t know,” I laughed, “But the certainly seem big enough to me! I can hardly walk!” I said, walking around as if they drug me down.

We all laughed and no one said anything else about my dress code.

“We need to talk,” Dad said after  a delicous dinner and after we had done the dishes. “Let’s go up to our room.”

I hadn’t actually been in the folks room since the change, and I stared around curiously, but it didn’t seem changed. Dad still had his big shelf of nursing books. Mom changed into her white cotton nightgown while Dad talked. I was pleased she didn’t seem embarassed in front of me, but I still didn’t watch.

“Gloria, we have some bad news,” Dad said. “We think the police came and arrested the reporter today. We are afraid they are arresting anyone that had anything to do with the experiment, in order to figure out what happened. Caleb thinks they will be searching for any student that played a role, and even their families.”

“So, what do we do Morgan?” Mom asked, coming and sitting next to him on the bed.

“I think we are going to have to send Bobbi off to school when break is over. I had thought of keeping her here. This issue is our most important priority as a family… her ‘education’ is pretty meaningless in comparison. But if they are looking for other students, someone that suddenly drops out might be a target. It isn’t like the college is that big.”

“She could stay at home, at least, couldn’t she? And commute on the train.”

“I’m afraid that would look bad, too,” Dad said, reluctantly.

“Oh, great!” I said. “That is just great!”

Just then the bell rang and, after a second, Dad said, “I will get it,” leaving the three of us together.

“Oh, Bobbi,” Mom said, “that really is hard on you. I know you are an actress… actor…” she said, awkwardly, “but that will be hard.”

“Impossible, I should say,” I responded.

“I’ll help you, Bobbi,” Jenny said.

“Thanks, I’ll need that,” I said. “You two have been just great, you know.”

“I… I have had a hard time with it, there is no denying that. I have a daughter who is somewhere else. At least, I pray that she is somewhere else… And I have problems seeing what I can do.”

“Mom,” Jenny said, “Bobbi will need a skirt for Sunday, and we couldn’t go out today. Do you think you have something?”

“A skirt?” Mom said, “Why doesn’t she… oh. Come on, Jenny, let’s go see if we can find her something in my closet,” she said, but I went back to my room.

I went over to the desk. Caleb had said he had found my school password, so I booted up the school website and, in a couple of minutes, was looking at my schedule:

MWF

College Biology II

Calculus II

Introduction to Statistics

T/Th

Biology Lab

Voice II

Basic Drawing

European History

Well, I should be able to manage most of that. I was a little worried about ‘Voice II’. I looked around the room, found the textbooks, and was deep into the Biology textbook, when Mom and Jenny burst back in, “We have found something very nice for you, Bobbi,” Mother said, “Now come here.”

I stood in front of them and, as comfortable with my nudity as I was, I found this a bit off putting. Mom held up the skirt in front of me, and the blouse, and then Jenny went to my underwear drawer. “I remembered something that Bobbi bought, that she hated, but I think you will like it.” She said. She pulled something out and, before I could really see what it was, had it over my head and was sticking my arms through it.“

“What is it?” I asked, but by then she had shoved my breasts into it and I knew.

“What do you think?” Jenny asked. looking in the mirror. Certainly it was missing all of the… emphasis that the other bras had on the femaleness of the apparatus. It was made, basically, of just cloth, all one piece…

“A sports bra?” I asked.

“For  going outside in,” Mother said, “in this case to church. Now, put this blouse on.”

They must have worked very hard on this. The blouse was *almost* neutral, but still very feminine, if you see what I mean. The bra was white, and the blouse was just off white, and so the bra didn’t show through the blouse. As I put it on Jenny had grabbed a brush and was doing up my hair, and mother was making my bed. “I suppose I should thank my lucky stars that I got the girl,” she said. “My Roberta always made  her bed first thing ever since you were six. I hesitate to think what  your room would look like.” She picked up the stuffed animal off the floor, put it on the pillow, and nodded her head. Then she turned to look at me, “The skirt is right there,” she said, pointing to the end of the bed.

So I pulled  the skirt on awkwardly while my new mother picked up my old clothes from the floor and my new sister worked frantically (and painfully) on my head. “Good,” Mother said, when I had the skirt in place, “now sit down.” I did and she shoved some fancy socks up my legs without looking at me, and then helped me put on a pair of pumps… very attractive but, in a dark brown, almost neutral.

She stood up, looking at all of me except my face, and I got up and kissed her. “Thanks Mom,” I said, while she fussed with the skirt and the blouse, and fiinshed a button I had missed. When she was done I turned to look at myself in the mirror.

She was cute, this girl, if I had to say so about myself. The sports bra squished the breasts a bit, but they were still very evident and nice.  Pert, even.  The overall look was subtle, but I really liked it. As a boy I appreciated the view and as a girl. It was… me. There was nothing brash or loud about it. It was very feminine but it wasn’t at all… blatant. I felt mother at my side, and she said, hesitantly, “I didn’t know if…” she said, and held out her hand.

It was a necklace. A very small, thin, gold necklace. Gold with a ruby at the end of it in a small heart.

“It’s beautiful, Mother,” I said, “How do you put it on?” I asked, and she grinned, and moved behind me.

It did very much complete the picture. Jenny had finished my hair, pulling the very edges of it back and attaching them somehow in the back, but letting the rest of it hang free. The necklace hung down, and was just visible above my buttoned second button. They had taste, my girls, as well as tact. I turned back and forth, examining it, and suddenly we heard voices and steps on the stairs.

“Bobbi,” I heard my fathers voice say, “you have a visitor.”

My alarm went off, and for the first few seconds, I didn’t remember. Then it came crashing back over me and my hands moved frantically over my body… hoping to find something that wasn’t there, and finding things that I didn’t want to be there. I spent a few seconds doing that, then I threw back the covers and crossed to the room and turned it off. I always kept my alarm across the room, it was way too easy to turn off and go back to bed if it was next to my bed. It was one change that I had made last night to this room. I would make more later, but I need to get a shower now.

I had barely sat down when Jenny came plunging in, all bubbling over and wearing a light blue nightshirt. “Bobbi? Bobbi? Are you still… Robert?”

“Yes,” I said, “Your older brother. Are you going to make a habit of coming and watching me pee every morning?” I asked her dryly. She blushed, and looked like a beaten puppy. “I’m kidding, Jen,” I said,  “I am your sister and you can come in anytime. I am not used to the whole girls together in the bathroom thing but I am used to teasing you about it. When I was a boy and you would walk in on me and then you would get all upset at me for not locking the door.”

“I’m sorry,” she started, but I stopped her,

“I said I was kidding! Chill out sister. If you go on about this you will soon find out you are not to big to go over my knee!”

“You wouldn’t dare!” She said, and, a few seconds later we found out that I would dare, and she wan’t too big.

“What are  you girls doing?” Mom asked from the door, coming in response to Jenny’s wild shrieks of outrage, and looking askance at me as I sat on the toilet, naked and with the door wide open, with my little sister over my knee.

“Just playing, Ma,” I said, rolling Jenny off, and causing her to shriek again as she hit the floor. “I gotta get out of here.”

“Can I teach you something, Bobbi?” Jenny asked as I climbed into the shower.

“Well, I don’t have much time. Maybe you need to make a list. I don’t even know what is involved. I was a boy, you know. Do I need a pad? I am NOT going to do Tampons. They sound way too dangerous.”

“I don’t wear them either,” she said. “Bobbi started using them when she went to college. She said that, having roomates, she found pads hard to manage. I didn’t quite get it. I mean, you are all girls, right?”

“I’m with you Jens. I don’t get it either.”

“Anyway, it isn’t your time yet.”

“Are my legs OK?”

“Well,” she said, pulling back the curtain and running her hand over my calf, “you could shave them if you wanted, but you always wear such nice  long skirts, that it doesn’t matter. We need to take you shopping if you don’t want to wear dresses. You will need a church skirt, and a nice blouse.”

Oh, great. Now I was going to have to learn to shop, too. “What should I wear?” I asked her, as the twins came plunging into the bathroom. I poked my head out of the shower and Jenny and I watched as, for once, Beth beat Ben to the toilet and sat there triumphantly.

“I’ll find you something,” Jenny said, when the excitment was over, and raced off to the room while I dried off and listened to the twins chatter. When I to to my room she had everything layed out on the bed and was standing by it looking proud. I stood there, overseeing the disaster that was my new life, and picked up the hated bra, all pink and frilly. She shrugged her shoulders. “Dad said you had to wear one outside, and that one won’t show under that T-shirt.

As I put it on I tried to figure out if she was being naive or helpful. Surely there was something other than this pink bra, and the pink shirt that she had for me to put over it. At least the demin skirt was good. “Do you have any longer socks?” I asked her. I absloutely hated these socks that just stuck out over the shoe.

“Sure,” she said, and raced back, coming back with socks that at least hinted at making it to the calves. I got those on, along with the shoes from yesterday, grabbed my backpack, and was ready. Or so I thought.

“Sit still and I will do your hair,” Jenny said, grabbing a brush.

“Ouch!” I said, as she grabbed it and started brushing. “Stop!”

“Sorry, we are in a bit of a rush. Good thing you don’t want to to makeup.”

“Yeah, good thing… ouch!!”

“All done,” she said, a long time later, or at least it seemed like a long time. “I’ll just braid it really quick… that will be better since you are going to be outside.”

She was fast and, altho I object to the color pink, I must say the ensemble looked OK in the mirror. If the bra had been a different color it might well have shown through the blouse, and I hated it when bras did that.

“Thanks Jens,” I said, kissing her forehead, “I’ve got to go now, see you later!”

As I rushed down the stairs I thought that I really did have a wonderful sister.

Caleb was waiting in his truck when I came up, so I hopped in beside him, a tricky operation in my long  skirt. He was dressed in his carpenters overalls with a light blue button down shirt. I looked a bit askance but he said, “I brought some other clothes for lunch, I will put them on at the job.  I thought you weren’t going to come, you are so late.”

“Girls have to get ready, you know,” I laughed, flipping my braid at him. “And I’m not even late, you moron. You said 0700 and it is 0659!”

“Girls,” he said, “no sense of time. Show up somewhere one minute before they are supposed to leave and think they are on time.”

I laughed. “So, come up with any more ideas?”

“Oh, yeah, about a dozen more Don’t worry, I wrote them all down.”

“Oh, I trust you. You always kept great notes. I used to come over and study with you because you knew…” I stopped. He was looking very funny, almost as if he were going to cry. “Did she do that too?”

He nodded, his voice quavering slightly, “Altho she was really the  one that pushed for the sessions, and her notes were fine. She and I just liked doing things together.”

I put my hand on his shoulder, “I’m sorry,” I said. “I know it must be hard for you, losing her like that.”

“I’m OK,” he insisted, in boy-fashion. “So, do you really know about carpentry, or were you just bluffing?”

“I’ll show you bluffing!” I said, hitting his shoulder.

He grinned at me and I suddenly realized that my feeling for Caleb were not Platonic. And, considering what had happened  yesterday, his brightly flushed face after we had wrestled, and the way he had kept looking at me at dinner, I realized his weren’t either.

I would have expected to be appalled, being attracted to my best friend, but I wasn’t. It was like it wasn’t part of me, really. I wasn’t in love with my best friend, I was just there for the ride.

I wasn’t bluffing about my carpentry skills, either. We weren’t half an hour into the job when Caleb said, “Wow. You didn’t teach me all you knew. I would never have thought of doing that.”

“I can’t handle the tools for the birds, tho,” I said, holding up my hands ruefully.

“That’s OK,” he said, “you handle your part and let me do the man’s part.”

I watched him walk away, and wondered if he knew what he had just said.

“OK, that’s good,” he said, as he hung the last door. “It was great working with you. I will go get my clothes and we will be ready to go.”

I darted into the bathroom before him and had my panties pulled back up before he came back in. “Oh, sorry,” he said.

“No problem, I’m done,” I said. “Change quickly.”

But he waited for me to leave before he started. Silly boy.

“How did the morning go?” Jenny asked, hopping in the truck besides me, as I scooted over next to Caleb, slanting my legs away from the gearshift.

“Great!” Caleb said, “I couldn’t believe how much Bobbi knew!”

“Caleb is a great carpenter,” I said to Jenny. “You should watch him work sometime.”

“Well, I watched him put up the fort,” she said, “that was pretty awesome.”

“Were you busy this morning?” I asked her.

“Practice, dear sister. We have practice every day.”

“How did it go with…” I started, but she frowned at me and shook her head, indicating Caleb with her glance. I didn’t get it. Why would she feel OK sharing with me but not… oh. I got it. Boy/girl. Huh. Would have to remember that.

“Where are we going to eat?” Jenny asked, covering the awkward silence.

“I am going to take you lovely ladies to Chez Emmanuel,” he said, naming one of my favorite resteraunts, altho kind of a pricey one. But then he said, “Oh, Bobbi, I’m sorry, did that bother you?”

“Did you say ‘lovely ladies’ or ’ugly ladies’?” I asked.

“Ummm, ‘lovely’,” he said.

“Then why wouldyou think it would bother me? Do you think I want to be ugly?”

“Well, because of your being a boy…”

I leaned against him and pinched his shoulder… which was hard, actually. He had great muscles, “I am a girl!” I said. “I was a boy, I remember being a boy, I was comfortable being a boy, I am uncomfortable being a girl and I have lots to learn but… I… am… a… girl… And don’t you forget it or treat me differently. It will look bad in front of other people, and it will NOT help me. In the house. In the house I might act differently, and you might too. I don’t know. But outside the house, I am a girl. Remember, Dad and I thrashed this all out yesterday.”

“OK, Bobbi, I get it. Your form makes it easy to remember, anyway. I just didn’t want to offend you.”

“Well, you won’t as long as you remember that I am a girl, and want to be treated like one.”

“We’re going to Chez Emmanuel?” My sister said, “I love Chez Emmanuel!”

“I hope I have enough money,” I said, pulling my backpack in front of me.

“Money?” Caleb said, “You are a girl! Remember? Put your purse back!!”

“Oh, why thank you,” I said, leaning up against him with a voice dripping with sarcasm, and with both of my hands on his arm.

We pulled up to Chez Emmanuel, and got out of the car, Jenny grabbing my hand as soon as I was out. “Oh, I’m so excited. I have only been here a couple of times, you know.”

“Yeah, me too,” I said, “altho I have been a few more times.”

As soon as we had gotten in the door Jenny said, “I have to use the ladies room, come with me, Bobbi.”

I knew that going to the girls room together was  something I was going to have to get used to, so I trooped off willingly enough, but when we got inside  she stopped, glared at me, put her hands on her hips and said, “Are you putting the hit on Caleb?”

“Of course,” I said, going in a stall. I desperately had to pee. I hadn’t had a chance to go when we got home, as Jenny had seen us pull up and come running right out. It seemed she didn’t have to go though, as she stood right outside my stall door and kept talking. I guess she had just wanted to talk.

“What do you mean, ’of course’!?”

“Well, let’s see. He’s cute. He’s smart. He’s got a good job and has saved almost all of his salary, so he is well off. I already know him really well. And,” I said, opening the door and pushing past her to the sink, “he is the only boy in the universe who knows what has happned to me, and probably the only one still capable of liking me after it.”

“Look,” I said, “he finds this hard enough. How do you think it would go if some other boy came over to ask Dad if he could take me out, and Dad was to sit him down and say, ’Well, before I say yes, there is something I need to tell you about Bobbi; you see, she is really a boy?”

“And besides which,” I said, going to the door, “I need him desperately, and if he likes me, and likes that I pay attention to him, well, then, good for him, and good for me.”

“Well, thank you for that excellent lunch!” I said. We were standing on the sidewalk outside the resteraunt, and Jenny had taken my hand again. I guess the sisters had been really touchy feely… or maybe this was her way of trying to ‘hold on’ to me, and not have me suddenly change. Whichever, it didn’t bother me. “I loved the Tomate Provencal. To bad Jenny wasn’t game to try the escargot.”

Jenny wrinkled her nose, “There were plenty of great things on the menu without having to eat snails,” she said. “Are we going to the interview now?”

“I thought we would walk,” Caleb said, “it is only a block from here, and it is a nice day.”

It was a nice day, too. I thought about taking Calebs hand with my other hand, but the poor boy had probably had enough shocks for one twenty-four hour period. He wouldn’t be able to sleep for a month as it was, having seen me without my shirt on.  I chuckled, thinking of him tossing and turning in bed, thinking about me. It was a nice day.

“There… it is…” Caleb said, his voice trailing off as we all stared. The entire front of the building was a mass of cars, official cars, some with lights flashing. On one end there was even a van, like a swat van. Men in suits were standing around on the outside of the building. I suddenly felt Caleb grab my hand. “We need to go,” he whispered into my hear, and then did the same thing for Jenny, whose hand, I noticed, he had also grabbed. Without any explanation he pulled us away.

“What on earth?” I asked, having to trot to keep up with his long strides, “What’s going on?”

“I’ll tell you in a minute,” he said, “let’s get in the truck first.”

He let go of us, and we slowed down. Jenny came up again and took my hand, looking scared. I shrugged my shoulders. “Caleb’s the one that’s nuts, if you ask me,” I said. But I was afraid he wasn’t.

“I think it is time now,” Dad said, as we all looked around the kitchen for something else to do, some other dish to dry, some reason to put off… “We need to sit down and discuss the situation. Caleb, do you have your notebook and the newspaper?”

Caleb dashed off to get them, and  we all sat at the table and waited nervously for him to come back. I heard Ben and Beth playing up in their room, to which they had retired after doing ‘their’ job of clearing the table. It was all so real, all so normal, except it wasn’t.

“The way I see it,” Dad said, when Caleb came back and sat himself down, “Is this. There are two questions, ‘what happened’, and ‘what to do about it.’ Caleb seems to be the expert on the first question, so I will ask him to start.”

Caleb laid out his various theories, which got wilder and wilder as he went on. Mom started to speak several times but stopped herself, and Jenny cried freely several times, especially over the theories that left me… me. That talked of their being a real Robert and that proposed some way of getting me back to being him. I couldn’t tell if that was because it meant she had really lost her sister, or because she might lose me. And I couldn’t tell which I felt worse about.

“Thanks,” Father said when he got done.  “I think that, if you don’t mind, we will ask you to be our chief researcher. You have obviously studied this kind of thing.”

Caleb beamed, the moron. As if it was really neat that he had read a lot of science fiction and could rattle off dozens of insane theories as to how this had been done to me.

“But now we need to move on, at least temporarily, to ‘what to do about it’. I think that has two parts. The first is that we need to find out how to fix it. Robert, here, wants to go home…”

Mom blanched at the name, and I interuppted. “Dad, if you could call me ‘Bobby?’ It is the same as I was called then, and will lead to fewer questions and… and everyone is comfortable with it.”

“Are you comfortable with it?” Dad asked, “Or would you rather be called ’Robert’?”

“I am a girl now, and Robert is a stupid name for a girl,” I said.

Dad looked at me for a long minute, and then said, “So, if you are a girl now, why won’t you wear a bra?”

I looked at him, and my eyes filled with tears, but I couldn’t answer, and just shook my head.

“Very well,” he said, “I think I know why. I had expected you to want to be called ‘Robert’ too. I think it is very… mature of you to be able to say ‘I am a girl’. It was something I knew we were going to have to deal with. So, we can decide on that now anyway.” He looked straight at me, “We will call you ‘Bobbi’ then. We will call you a girl.” He waited a second, and went  on, “We will refer to you as ‘she’, and ‘her’.”

He paused, and seemed to want something, so I nodded, my heart pounding in my chest as my identity was stripped away from me. But I agreed with him. Anything else was insane.

“We will speak of your breasts, and your vagina, and your period. We will expect you to wear panties, and skirts, and dresses…”

“Not dresses,” I said, “and not high heels, and not makeup. Or carry a purse.”

Mom started to say something, but Dad held up his hand. “Very well, but you will wear a bra outside of the house.”

My heart beat faster and I struggled to speak… “But not in the fort!” I said, desperate to preserve something.

“No, not in the house, the fort,  the garage, or the backyard… as long as you cover up decently outside.”

I nodded, and he went on, “We will expect you to take care of yourself properly. You will need to pee sitting down,” he said with a grin, “ and you will need to wear tampons or pads during your periord, and to shave your armpits and legs, at least where people can see them.”

“I can help her with that, Dad,” Jenny said, excitedly, before I could respond.

“That would be a very good idea,” Dad said, looking at me very seriously. I didn’t know what he was trying to say, but I nodded. I would need help, and if it made Jenny happy then it was a good thing. She had arlready lost her sister, I needed to do what I could to make up for it.

Dad paused, and asked me, “Do you have anything to add?”

“I, understand. I don’t have any problems being a girl. I am one. That is the body I have now. I will act like one outside the house. But,not in the house. I want to be able to be comfortable in the house, and not have people yelling at me because I am not wearing a bra, or a shirt, or anything like that. I am a girl. I know that. We can all see that. But I am, not… I am not your girl.”

Dad leaned forward. “I know what you mean, more than you do, I think. But I need to know, will you let me be your father here? I can’t have you living in my house if you are in rebellion to me.”

“But I can…?”

“Yes. Within the house and within reason. I think I know why you need that. But will you let me be your father, while you are with us?”

I looked around the table, “All of you?” I asked, “Can I say yes to all of you? To a sister and a mother and… a best friend?”

Mom was in tears, but she nodded along with everyone else. “Yes.” I said, looking at them “Yes, absolutely. I don’t know how long it will be for, but, even when I go back, if I go back, I will always remember this.”

“Good,” Dad said, “so we are agreed on that. I think it would be wise if we continued with our normal names… I will be ‘Dad’, and this is your mother, your sister, and some guy from next door.” Caleb grinned, and I nodded.

“Tomorrow,” Dad said, “I have to work, as does your mother, but if Caleb is free I think it would be good for you all to go down to the newspaper office and talk to that reporter. He can get you in touch with the other people that have been changed, and we can see what the next step that they are considering is.”

“I would love to Mr. Smith, but I have a job tomorrow.”

“Would it help if I came and helped you?” I asked.

“Well, that would be great Bobbi, but I don’t know that I would go much faster having to show you what to do and all.”

“Show me what to do? I’ve been helping you build things since forever. Why, I taught you half you know.” I stopped, startled. Everyone was staring at me. “What? I… Oh. ‘Roberta’ didn’t?”

“Well, she loved to come and watch,” Caleb said, “and she would bring something to write or study and keep me company but… you know about carpentry work?”

“Sure? I’m not making it my life’s work like you are, but I can handle a tape measure.” I looked at my hands, “I don’t know how hot I will handle the tools, but I can measure and lay out, and everything like that.”

“Well, that would be a help. If we do good, I might be finished before noon, and we can do lunch in town and then to see this guy. I will go call him now, and set up an appointment.”

He ran off into the den, and we all looked at each other. “Thanks Dad,” I said. “I don’t want to be a pain.”

“Oh, Bobbi, you’re not a pain!” Mother said, “it must be simply awful, not knowing who you are and all. Do you feel OK?”

“Well, I have felt, I don’t know, dizzy all day.”

“I’m not surprised,” Dad said. Most people don’t know this, but there are…“

’It’s all set,“ Caleb said, ”He seemed pleased I had called, and we can see him at one tomorrow afternoon. If we aren’t done, I will just go back and finish in the afternoon. I mean, if you can’t take off work for a freind who has recently been transformed from a boy into a girl and doesn’t know how or why, what can you take off work for?“ He grinned, and we all felt much better.

“Scrabble, anyone?” I asked.

“Well,” he said, “the gang is all here.” He looked at me, “Do you want to talk with me alone, or with everybody else here too?”

“Everybody,” I said, “at least at first.”

“Ok,” he said, sitting down besides Caleb on the end of the bed. He was still in his dark blue scrubs from the hospital, and looked very concerned, but calm. “Tell me what’s up that put your mother  into hysterics on the phone.” He said. I loved my father, he was always so calm. I so wanted to grow up like him… I chocked back that thought, thought for a second, and then said,

“Caleb,could you go over things?”

“Sure,” he said, brightening up. He always did like this kind of thing, the moron. When we played together he was forever issuing ‘briefings’ for whatever game we were playing.

I listened to my best friend lay out, in precise and detailed terms, why and how my life had been destroyed, and I watched my father’s face. He was strong, my father. I had felt so as a boy but, as a girl, just having him in the room made me feel safe. He flinched, visibly, at the statement that I was a boy… or, had been a boy. He grinned at the list of possibilities, to which Caleb had been busy adding, and added even as he spoke. Caleb just loved science fiction.

He glanced at me when Caleb finished, but addressed himself to Caleb, “So, what do you think has happened?”

Caleb glanced nervously at me, “Well… it depends. There are really two different classes of things. I rule out it being a joke. Roberta isn’t… wasn’t the kind of person to do that. She loved joking, but wouldn’t… wouldn’t hurt people to do it.”

“I agree,” Father said. “So what does that leave you with?”

“Well,” Caleb said, “The second question is really whether there really was a ‘Robert’. Basically, dividing the science fiction ideas from the others… insanity, hypnosis, etc. Or even,” he grinned, “whether we are all creatures in his dream.”

Father turned to me, “Tell me about your life, Robert.”

My heart stopped, and I almost cried. He had faith in me… whoever I was. Faith enough to call me by my own… or what I hoped was my own… name.

“Our house was in the same place,” I said, “and you all were the same. My room was the same too… except that it wasn’t done all in pink, of course, and I had a bookshelf right there, with a bunch of science fiction books on it. They were all Caleb’s fault. I liked Science fiction, but he loved it, and always wanted to discuss it.”

“I guess he is a good person to have with us now, then,” Father said.

“Yes,” I said, “anyway he and I were best friends since forever. We built that fort… or our fort. We grew up together and we were always at each others house. I ate as many meals at his house as I did at mine. We even went skinny dipping together,” I said, hoping to get him to blush again, “down at the pond.”

“Well, I hope that is something that he didn’t do with Roberta,” Dad said. Then, when Caleb blushed instead of answering he said, “Caleb?!” and I giggled.

“Just the once, Mr. Smith, and we were younger then.” He looked at me, blushing. My Caleb and I had gone lots of times, but  our parents had known about it and hadn’t had an issue with it. I guess it was harder when your best friend was a girl. Father looked like he would have said more, but, revenez a nos moutons, he turned back to me.

“So, what else do you remember?”

“What else? My whole life! Growing up, birthdays, going to school… everything!”

“Except for whatever it was that made you change.”

I sat back.  I shrugged my shoulders, tears in my eyes.

“That’s OK. It is just one more piece of data for Caleb to put in his notebook. Now, what was this about not wearing a bra?”

“I… I’m… everything is…” I burst into tears.

He stared at me, but I couldn’t stop. I didn’t even know myself whey I could not, would not, wear one. How could I tell him?

“Don’t worry about that now then. We will talk later, after dinner. Caleb can stay for dinner, if he likes, and join the talk. Caleb, this is rather difficult, but I would appreciate if you wouldn’t tell your parents just yet.”

“No problem, Mr. Smith.”

“Ok then, I will go down and see what I can do for your mother.”

“I… I’m sorry, Dad. Tell Mom I’m sorry.”

“Yes, I know. And I am sure she will forgive you. You are going through an extraordinarily difficult time right now, and will obviously react sometimes without proper thought. And I heard that you have already at least partially apologized.”

Dad left, and Caleb said, “I really appreciate your father. He had to take off work to come here, no?”

Jenny nodded.

“So, Caleb, since you have ruled ‘a joke’ off your list, and I am more and more having to rule out, ‘dreaming’, what do you think of the other options?”

“Well, hypnosis is still a very valid option. There are several points in its favor. First of all, the way you can’t remember hardly anything about it. Hypnotists, at least the  ones I have read about, like to do that.”

“But, I can remember my whole other life!” I objected, “How could I do that if I was merely hypnotized?”

“But Bobbi,” Jenny put in, “How can we tell, how can you tell, if it is real?  Your brain could just be making it up.”

Caleb jumped quickly in, “Now, the next thing is insanity, and I think we have ruled that out.”

“Really,” I asked, through my tears, that had welled up during the hypnosis discussion, “how?”

“Well, what you are doing right now. What I understand about insane people is that they are fixated, and don’t accept being challenged. Your Dad too. He’s the manager of our ER. He deals with insane people, really insane. And he didn’t call the ambulance on you, or the guys in the white jackets. He is treating with this whole thing as if you were perfectly rational.”

I thought Caleb was being a bit optimistic, but I needed to believe him, so I nodded my head through my teats.

“So,” He said, “that leaves the fun stuff. Sci-fi stuff. Secret laboratories and…”

“Caleb!” Jenny said, but I stopped her,

“No, Jens, let him. If he can help us have fun with this it will be better than… than taking it seriously.”

“Hey,” she said, as I rubbed my eyes.

“How long, how long was I asleep?”

“About an hour. Mom just called us for lunch, Pizza, like  usual.” she looked questioningly at me and I nodded,

“Yes, that was usual for us too,” I said

I put on the skirt and T-shirt. Jenny tried to hand me the bra, but I shook my head. “Mom…” she started, but I shook my head again.

“Mom will just have to live with it,” I said. “I am not wearing that thing. She is lucky that I am going to wear the shirt. I have a good mind to go down without it. And I will to breakfast, too. You watch me.”

“Why?” Jenny asked, “Why don’t wear it?”

“I don’t know, but I know I am not going to.”

“Hey girls,” Mom said, as we came down the stairs, “How are you doing?” She was  wearing that bright yellow dress of hers that she loved to wear in the summer and was busy getting drinks out of the fridge. Ben and Beth had their pizza on the porch outside, and were chasing each other around.

“Fine,” answered Jenny automatically, but I said,

“Horrible.” and Mom looked at me. Then she looked at me again,

“Bobbi…!” she started , but I interrupted her,

“Don’t start on me, or I will take the shirt off too. I am not going to wear a bra.” I took a piece of pizza and sat down in the living room.

“Bobbi?!” She said, and then I heard Jenny talking quietly to her.

“Well, there had better be…” I heard Mom say,  “Well, I will wait a little while, but I am not….If you say so.”

I felt really bad, so when I finished my piece and got up, I said, “I’m sorry, I know I am being a jerk. But I’m not going to wear a bra.” And took another piece and sat back down.

Jenny had left, and came back in a minute, and threw something on my lap. It was a sweatshirt. It was pink but… I got the message. If I wore the sweatshirt… I pulled it on.

Mom waited till I had finished the second slice of pizza before starting up again. “So, can I find out what is going on now?” She asked.

“I’m a girl,” I said.

She waited, and said, “That’s it?”

“Isn’t it enough?” I asked. “Oh, whatever. Just a minute,” I said and walked out into the back yard. I desperately wanted to tell Mom, but I wasn’t looking forward to it. She was the best Mom in all the world, or course, but she tended to have only two strong emotions, angry and hysterical.

“Bobby!” Beth said, and, as I reached down to pick her up, I realized that that was not what she had actually said. I hugged her, holding her awkwardly against awkwardness  my chest.

“Hey Beth, did you have a good morning at the church?”

“Yeah. I played with Juli. She was there with her mother, too. We played dollies.”

“Oh? What dolly did you bring?”

I asked the question to be polite but suddenly, while she described the doll, I realized that I knew the doll. I could picture it. I could feel it in my hands.

“Bobbi?” Beth said, “What’s wrong?”

I came back to reality, “Oh, nothing Bethy, just thinking of something.”

I put her down and climbed up in the treehouse, my thoughts awhirl. Luckily Caleb was gone. Poor boy would probably hide from me all week. after what I had done to him. I grabbed the paper and the journal, and went back inside, my heart racing. How would mother handle this?

“Sit down,” I said. She looked at me with fear, and Jenny had to encourage her to sit. “Read this,” I said, putting the paper in her hands, and pointing at the article. “Here,” I said to Jenny, “Here is the journal. I am going to my room.”

I wanted to throw something at the wall. Here I desperately needed support and I was having to defend myself. They thought I was nuts. They were going to lock me up. Maybe I was nuts. Maybe I needed to be locked  up, and drugged.

I threw myself on the bed again, and cried in frustration.

“Well, I don’t believe it. We have never had any problems of that sort with Roberta, and I won’t believe we do now…” Mom opened the door, a frantic Jenny in tow, “Roberta?!” She said.

“What?” I said.

“Why are you in your panties?”

You want me to take them off too?“ I asked, throwing them at her. ”There! Look! Look at what I am!“ I threw myself on the bed again and cried, burying my face in the covers, ”Go away! Leave me alone!!“ I screamed. ”I hate you. I hate you all!“

I lay there a long time, and then looked up. Jenny was there, sitting in the chair, reading the script.

“Hey,” I said, sheepishly, “where’s Mom?”

“I dunno. She left right after you yelled at her.”

“Could you, could you ask Caleb to come over?” I asked, “I can’t face calling him.”

“Sure,” she said, then, “will you get dressed?”

“Not the bra,” I said.

“But the sweatshirt? You had the guy all sweaty earlier.”

“Ok,” I said, and put on the skirt and the sweatshirt. Jenny clucked her tongue at me, but called Caleb.

“Yes, I’m sure you silly boy,” she said. “Just come over. Bobbi’s room. I’m not letting her downstairs with Mom, the two of them had an absolute catfight. OK. No, she’s totally naked this time, but come over anyway.” She hung up the phone with a giggle. “He will spend the whole time coming over trying to figure out if it true or not.”

I laughed with her, and it was a rather red-faced Caleb who called from just beyond the door, “Hey, you guys in there?” a couple of minutes later.

“Yeah, come on in Caleb,” Jenny said, and he came in, glancing nervously and then with obvious disappointment in my direction. Poor boy. He had put on tank top, all grey with a green dragon on it. I think it came from one of his silly sci-fi conventions.  I threw him the journal and the pen and he sat on the end of the bed.

“OK, no holds barred now,” I said. “Let us write whatever we can think of. I want to fix this.”

“Do you remember anything different in the last few days?” Caleb asked.

“I don’t remember anything at all about the last few days… as Roberta!” I said.

“Oh, yeah,” He said. He brightened, “But maybe Roberta did something, volunteered for something, or something.”

“How will we ever know?” I asked. “I’m not her.”

“Maybe Roberta kept them,” Jenny said.

“What?” I exclaimed.

“Maybe my actual sister,”she said, grinning, “the one whose body you are currently borrowing, maybe she kept the papers from the experiment or whatever.  Maybe they are lying around here somewhere?”

“Jenny’s right,” Said Caleb, getting up and rummaging around. He seemed a little too excited to pry into all of my… Roberta’s things. She was probably really private and, well, I felt I ought to keep her end up. I kept a sharp eye out on her underwear drawer, in case he should get all pervert on me. “It makes sense that if she volunteered for something, she would keep the papers. She is…was… very organized.”

He stopped in the middle of going through  a stack of CD’s and looked at me, “How different are the worlds anyway? You say I was your best friend there too? Not that Roberta and I ever called each other ‘best friends’, you know, because of being a boy and a girl, but you say that we were best friends there?”

“It seems practically exactly the same,” I said. “Jenny is the same, Ben and Beth are the same, you even seem the same… except a lot more embarrassed seeing me naked here then you were there,” I added, just to see him blush again. “And the streets were the same, andwe go to the same church, and everything, everything I’ve seen, anyway.”

“What’s that, Jenny?” I asked, seeing her stop searching and stare at something she had pulled from one of ‘my’ drawers.

“Oh, nothing,” Jenny said, stuffing whatever it was back in a drawer. She looked like she was crying, so I left her alone. Caleb looked about to say something, but I shook my head and he caught on.

’Hello,“ a voice said from the door and we all jumped.

“Dad!” I said.

“Hey,” I said, as her head popped up through the hatch, “I need to go pee. You two can talk. I told him about my dream,” I said to Jenny, and raced down the ladder before she could react.

There was a bathroom off the laundry room, so I hardly had to go inside at all. I sat down and did my business… it seemed like I had to pee all the time now. The I then stripped off all the way in front of the mirror and stared at what it showed me. I just had to be dreaming, but every minute that went by put the lie to it. I had now peed three times. But you can’t pee in dreams. If you pee in dreams you wet the bed, don’t you? So I couldn’t be dreaming. I looked back at the mirror staring and hoping that it would just flicker and I would wake up. I had to be dreaming. Things like this simply didn’t happen. They didn’t. I liked sci-fi, especially since Caleb did, and  it was fun and all, but it wasn’t real. This couldn’t be real.

I looked  out the window at the clubhouse. What were my Caleb and Jenny doing right now? What was my mom doing? I leaned over the sink and cried, and cried.

“You’re a big girl, Bobbi,” I said to myself in the mirror. “Wash your face and get back to Jenny and Caleb or they will start worrying about you.”

I laughed as I washed my face. I was behaving just like Alice, lecturing myself. I would have to read that book again to see what else I was supposed to do.

“Hey,” I said, popping my head back up into the fort. I guess I wasn’t the only one that had been crying. Caleb was awkwardly holding Jenny as she sobbed. His face looked very concerned.

“All right, what’s up? I thought you had cried this through, Jenny?”

“I… Caleb said…” Jenny began, and then started crying again. Caleb looked very uncomfortable.

“OK, so-called best friend, what have you been doing to my sister?”

“I, I was just worried about if you were… Ok.”

“Like, am I nuts? Good question. Here, let’s lay it out in my journal.”

Under my previous list, I wrote:

Possibilities:

1) I am playing a really, really mean joke.

2) I am nuts

3) I am dreaming

“There,” I said, tossing the book at Caleb and Jenny, who were still holding each other, “any other possibilities anyone wants to add?”

Caleb let go of Jenny to catch it, and she took the opportunity to sit back against the wall, her face all read and streaked, like happens to girls when they cry with makeup on.

He wrote for a second, and then his eyes lit up. “Caleb Morgen Trentin, if you suggest some hair brained science fiction idea, I… I will kiss you!” I said.

“Was that supposed to be a threat?” He said, “Or a promise? Let’s see. How many hair brained ideas can I come up with? My favorite is interdimensional mind exchange…”

I launched myself across the room to carry out my threat when, in mid-wrestle, I suddenly realized that neither of us really saw it that way. So instead I whacked him on the bottom, hard. “Naughty boy,” I said, and went back to my place, red faced, as even that had seemed… odd.

“Seriously tho,” he said, “if we are going to eliminate some of these then there really does need to be some scientific….”

’Hypnosis!“ Jenny piped in, ”you could have been…“ she stopped when I burst out crying.

“No, no… there has to be something else!” I shouted. None of these leave me me. I can’t get back from any of these. It isn’t fair. I want to be me! I don’t want to be some ’Roberta’! Roberta is a stupid name!!“

I fled down the ladder and back into the house, to ‘my’ room, where I stripped the hated clothes and threw myself onto the bed, crying bitterly. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t! What had I done to deserve this??

“Bobbi? Bobbi? Can we come in?”

“I’m naked!” I yelled. I wanted them and I didn’t want them. I loved them, they were  my favorite people in the whole world except for Mom and Dad… but it wasn’t my Mom or my Dad or my Jenny or even my Caleb.  I wanted to kiss my best friend and I had been attracted to some guy at the rehearsal and I didn’t know which bathroom to use and I had these floppy things on top and nothing down below and who was I now anyway?

I heard the door open, but I ignored it, burying my face in the pillow. I felt a hand on my back and it did made me feel better, but I just couldn’t face her right now, so I just stayed with my head buried, and Jenny (at least… it must be Jenny, no?) kept stroking my back and my head.