32 An Uncomfortable Grilling
The Student Grill sits right in the middle of upper campus in the same building as the College Store, and serves light meals for those who somehow didn’t get enough from the institutionalized food that comprises the usual meal plan – or simply couldn’t stomach it. Many students meet there for soda or coffee as well. Back in the days when the drinking age was 18, I’m told, beer flowed pretty freely here, and the old taps are still in evidence, although they are supposed to be empty. There are rumors that one of them still works, but only certain Grill workers allegedly know which and how.
The room housing the Grill is large enough for about 100 students to be served at once, at tables that seat anything from two to sixteen. My freshman resident assistant used to take our entire hallway here once a month on Sundays, when the dining rooms served nothing but leftovers in order to give the cooks time off. Most of us had been quite happy to avoid repeats of the meals we had been fortunate to survive the first time around. The burgers the Grill served seemed much safer.
Jared was waiting for me at one of the two-person tables around the periphery of the room. Since I now had nearly $40 in Marsha’s purse from a few sewing jobs, I wouldn’t have to suffer the indignity of having him treat me, as though it were a date. But $40 wasn’t really a lot of money when three-quarters of it was supposed to go towards tuition, and I wasn’t sure if and when I was going to be able to tackle more lucrative work, so I just bought myself a soda and sat down across from him.
“Nice to see you,” he greeted me. “Is that all you’re going to have?” He had a burger, fries, and a soda in front of him.
“It’s enough,” I said. “Did you skip lunch? I can’t imagine being that hungry still.” And in fact, my appetite was noticeably less than I remember before the change.
“I figured we were going to spend a bit of time getting to know each other, right? Got to keep my energy up.”
“OK, so… how do we do this?” I figured that we would talk a bit and tell Alvin that we had done as he’d asked, then call it a day. Real acting is done on stage, not in the Grill.
“Well… why don’t you tell me some things about yourself? Um… what are you majoring in? What’s something interesting about you?”
Something interesting? I had to remember that I was playing Marsha, and not make a wise crack about being a guy in a girl’s body. I wasn’t really sure what the point of this whole exercise was… I certainly don’t recall having done anything of the kind for previous roles. So I told him the basics – that I was a pre-med biology major, that both my sister and I did theater. I was a bit nervous mentioning the sewing, as I wouldn’t have been able to give a good account of myself there if he had asked; fortunately, it didn’t really interest him. Actually, I wasn’t sure that most of what I was telling him interested him. He was nodding, but almost as though he had specifically told himself to nod, not because he was actually listening to me. He also seemed a bit on edge; maybe he wasn’t comfortable with this meeting, either.
Then it was his turn. He told me that he was a junior political science major and enjoyed reading about history; he tended to involve himself in various political demonstrations, and was planning one day to run for public office himself. I really tried to be interested, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that we had very little in common.
“This isn’t working, is it?” he noted ruefully. “We need to find something else.”
“Like what?”
He thought for a moment, then grinned suddenly.
“I’ve got an idea,” he said. “There’s a way we could cut right to the chase and establish the kinds of intimacy we need very quickly.” He leaned forward and put his hand on my wrist. “How about a hookup?”
“Um… what?” I asked, not sure if I had heard him correctly. But I snatched back my wrist from his touch, which had suddenly become vile.
“A hookup. You know. Sex.”
I was flabbergasted. How was I supposed to react to that? Of course I knew about “hookup” culture. Geoff had had a couple of girls come to his bedroom at night without any previous dates, and he had actually stayed with the second one for several weeks. I’d never seen the attraction. Well, that might not be completely true – I certainly understood the urge for intimacy with an attractive girl, but I’d never slept with any girl without dating her first. The idea that you could jump-start a relationship by starting with sex left me cold – and I’m sure that I would have felt the same way even if I were really Marsha and if I had found Jared attractive.
But this had just come out of nowhere! I had spent a lot of time with other student actors, and was very comfortable in that crowd. There had always seemed to be certain shared understandings of how far you could go, intimacy-wise, given that we had to work together. Maybe that was just high school actors, although I hadn’t noticed any real difference in the one show I had done as a college freshman. He had just violated what limits we had. I guess it left me wondering if he had any limits.
“But… Alvin said that dating was a bad idea,” I pointed out, trying to bypass my own panicky reaction.
“I’m not saying dating. Just a hookup. You like sex, right? It’s a perfectly healthy activity, and it could break the ice for us.”
“The whole idea is… just…” In an earlier time, presumably a girl should have just upended his drink down his shirt or his pants. Maybe Marsha would have been able to do that. I was just horrified to be propositioned like this. It’s not that I didn’t like sex – but I had no intention of trying it as Marsha, and somehow his suggesting it frightened me – a lot. “No,” I managed. “Out of the question. That’s not going to happen.”
“What’s the big deal?” he asked. “Don’t be such a tease. You’re attractive; you know guys are going to want you. I’d think most girls would be interested. I’m not bad looking.” Then he looked at me a bit suspiciously. “You’re not a lesbian, are you?”
“Why would you…?” I started. “Even if I were… it wouldn’t be any of your business.” I finally managed to get to my feet. “You know, I think this whole idea was a mistake. I think… just… never mind.” And I left, shakily, ignoring him as he tried to call me back to the table. Somehow I found my way home.
Lee Ann saw me come into the living room. “Marsh? Is something wrong?” I tried to answer, but couldn’t. I was too upset. I just dropped into a chair. She rush over, concerned, took a careful look at my pale face and exclaimed, “Oh my God! What happened to you?” but I was still shaking too much to speak. It was only when she put her arms around me that the verbal dam broke, and I managed to choke out the whole thing, crying hysterically. It was horribly embarrassing, both being propositioned like that, and crying about it. I’m supposed to be a guy – why couldn’t I just have slugged him or something?
And… I used to dream of Lee Ann holding me in her arms, but this was definitely not how I had envisioned it. I wasn’t complaining, though. I was grateful beyond words for her comfort. All the time I was crying, she just held me and cooed in my ear, telling me that I’d be all right. Finally, I ran down, emotionally spent, and Lee Ann was beside me, looking at me sympathetically.
“He asked you for sex. Just like that?”
“Mm hmm,” I whimpered.
“What a jerk. And especially considering… well, any girl would be offended. But you…” she sighed and gave me a hug. “You may want to stay away from him, Marsh.”
“Of course I want to. But that’s going to be really difficult. I’m not dropping out of this show, and we have a lot of scenes together, and a few embraces and a kiss…”
She shook her head. “Then you’re going to have to set clear limits. You don’t want him taking advantage of those moments.”
“I know. Thanks. I think… I think it won’t be too much of a problem. All he did was suggest something.” I was calming down, and at this point I wasn’t sure that my own reaction at the Grill wasn’t affecting me more than Jared’s suggestion. I’m a guy; I should have been able to handle a suggestion with more equanimity than this.
“And ignore you when you said no, and try to insult you because you weren’t attracted to him. A lot of guys are creeps, Marsh. You have to figure out which ones are nice and which aren’t. That’s probably why I’m still with Steve. He can be really exasperating at times, but he’s a really decent guy. When you find one, you don’t let him go. I think… well, now probably isn’t the time. But we need to talk about your situation.”
I could have laughed if I weren’t so upset. My situation? She had no idea. But she’d made me feel a bit better, so I thanked her and made my way back to my bedroom.
I should have tried to review my notes, or do lab write-ups, or even work on my lines, but I was still too upset. I wound up taking another afternoon nap, for the second time in two weeks. I just wasn’t used to feeling so much. How in the world did girls deal with all of this emotion on a regular basis?
Waking up, I thought a bit more about what had happened with Jared and decided that, no matter Lee Ann’s comforting agreement, I had almost certainly overreacted. Jared wasn’t about to assault me, after all. He had just suggested something that freaked me out even to consider. In some ways, wasn’t I sort of a hypocrite? I had suggested sex to girls numerous times, although that was only after we had dated for a while. Maybe he was actually a creep, or maybe he was just inept. It didn’t make me feel particularly comfortable about working close to him, much less kissing him, but at least I didn’t have to be all panicky.
Lee Ann’s comment about decent guys cut through me. I’d always thought that I was a ‘decent guy.’ Was it possible that I hadn’t been? That my girlfriends had lost patience with me? Had I been a creep? Was that why my relationships hadn’t lasted? I’d always tried to be sensitive to their feelings. Was that insufficient? Now I had something else to agonize over.
But I had calmed down quite a bit. The next rehearsal was going to be a bit tense, but it wasn’t until Sunday, so I had plenty of time to figure out how to deal with Jared, and lots of other things to deal with in the meantime. My relationship problems would have to wait even longer.
>>me that the verbal dam broke, and I managed to choke out the whole thing, crying hysterically.
Show it!!! Don’t tell it!!! This was your perfect opportunity to illustrate in glowing colors the whole girl talk, becoming (or always was) a girl. This could have been a thousand words all by itself!!
>>And… I used to dream of Lee Ann holding me in her arms, but this was definitely not how I had envisioned it. I wasn’t complaining, though. I was grateful beyond words for her comfort. All the time I was crying, she just held me and cooed in my ear, telling me that I’d be all right. Finally, I ran down, emotionally spent, and Lee Ann was beside me, looking at me sympathetically.
This is a good start, but my suggestion above applies here too. What did she say, what did Marsh say back, etc.
>>She no doubt saw my uncertainty as a result of the encounter with Jared, but now I had something else to agonize over.
This sentence lost me, and was unneccesarry.
>>To say that I was shocked would be an understatement. Of course I knew about “hookup” culture.
This is contradictory to me, and I end up not understanding her motivations either. I am confused between:
1) Shocked by the concept. You seem to say this about half the time, and then contradict it the other half of the time. She knew what the term meant, Geoff did it, etc… but then she seems shocked *at the concept*. Why? My daughter, from an incredibly conservative christian background, who would not only rebuff a boy who tried this but who would send her brothers (and me) after him with shotguns; would still not be shocked *at the concept*. “I want to have sex with you right now.” “Of course you do, you are a male. But unless you keep it zipped down there and up there, you are going to find yourself full of little pellets.” kind of thing.
2) Shocked because, while understanding the concept, her own ambiguous situation sexually made the idea panicky.
>>I knew that she’d meant these last words as supportive, but they cut through me. I’d always thought that I was a ‘decent guy.’
This is one too many conflicts for me. I would think this would be better hours later, not at the time when she is busy being shocked, violated, etc.
The word ‘violated’ is one that I think would fit well in this chapter. It is one I have often heard girls use in the context of overreaching sexual demands, and would seem to fit here.
>> I asked, not sure if I had heard him correctly.
Not necessary (IMO).
This chapter shifted her into ‘female’ for me. You wove that concept into here at several points. I really, really like the whole bumping into Lee Ann afterwards,girl cry thing.
The two paragraphs where they tell each other who they are should be actually written, not just told. His ‘hookup’ comment would be much more natural if I had read the entire thing. We could see her getting easier and easier with her speech with him (in fact, we could see Alvins idea beginning to work) as she kicked back and told about her life… a bit a catharsis really, getting to explain her life (if not the conflict behind it) to him as a kind of ‘third party’ thing.
And then we could see him leading up to his idea as he shared about his life. Boys don’t do much sharing, and to have a girl sit and listen to ‘who I am’ is a real turn on. Jared would figure that any girl willing to listen to all that could quite well be willing to spend some time between the sheets.
>>He could tell that we weren’t connecting, and suddenly changed tactics.
This doesn’t work for me. I am totally not part of the culture you describe here, but it seems to me this is backwards. I would have read this as exactly the opposite, “He must have read me completely wrong, thinking I was really getting interested tho, because suddenly he said,” I just don’t get (as a guy) sitting there and saying to myslef, ‘hey, she is totally uninterested in my life, and I found hers really boring. The thing to do is for me to suddenly propose that we sleep together.”
I would get a much longer build up. “Hey, maybe we are going about this in the wrong way. You and I are probably never going to be best buds or anything. But we really do need to get comfortable with each other, at least physically. How about a hookup?”
>>“But… Alvin said that dating was a bad idea,”
I find this line hard to swallow. I would have understood the more blunt, “Alvin said we shouldn’t date!”
The first two paragraphs neither set the scene for me, nor provide necessary background. I would either drop them, or use them to build some tension and scene. More about the setting, leading to the people who were there, the people in front of whom she was going to have to have this meeting with Jared, this meeting that she didn’t want to have, etc. Maybe even see a couple of people she knew, “Hey Marsh, want to have a coke? ”
“Umm, no thanks, I have a meeting with someone.”
“A date?”
“Gosh, no. A meeting about the play I am in.”
“Oh, cool, well, have fun.”
Nobody important, unless it is Lee Ann (who sees her leave in white faced, follows her to her room (or catches her halfway across the quad), etc. etc.
A really good idea, having it be Jared who proposes that natural way of getting straight to the ‘comfortable as newlyweds’ idea.
keep writing.
The statement ‘could tell’ should be dropped anyway, as it is a violation of your POV. You are writing first person, so it really needs to be, “I guess he could tell we weren’t connecting, and suddenly changed tactics.”
Oh, and by the way, if I haven’t told you, I love your titles. I was telling my family last night, it was probably your title ‘take a lemon’ that got me reading this book.
Oh, and the preceeding comment has an error in it. The last paragraph got hidden below the screen while I was typing. It belongs with the section discussing:
>>He could tell that we weren’t connecting, and suddenly changed tactics.
“What’s the big deal?” he asked. “Don’t be such a tease. You’re attractive; you know guys are going to want you. I’d think most girls would be interested. I’m not bad looking.” Then he looked at me a bit suspiciously. “You’re not a lesbian, are you?”
Unless you are trying to portray him as rambling, this paragraph doesn’t work for me.
“What’s the big deal? Everybodies doing it nowadays (moral justification). And Alvin said that we needed to get more comfortable. I am not suggesting we become a couple (perhaps thats why she is upset?) just that we hookup a few times (wouldn’t want her to think I just wanted her once, it would be great to do it several times) until we get comfortable (if I say that, if I like the sex, I can just say ‘I am not really comfortable yet. I might be able to string that out for quite a while. She really is cute.)”
Then she says something unclear and he panicks
‘Um, I’m sorry. You’re, you’re not a lesbian are you (Just my luck, to try to hit on one of those).
etc.
Perhaps you are trying to portray him as utterly stupid enough for the whole “I am not bad looking” thing, but it staggers my mind that Alvin would have picked someone for an important role who is quite as clueless as you are making him out to be. At least it sounds like an incredibly stupid line to me. I would have my daughter refuse on gene pool grounds alone.
I am unsure of his motivation.
1) I totally get the ‘I want to have sex with this girl’ thing. If nothing else, being in the play together, playing newlyeweds, getting to kiss her, would put ideas in his head (ideas that have an easy entrance in the male head).
2) I totally get the ‘this is a fantastic excuse. I can ask her to have sex with me and pretend it is ‘for the play’! This is totally cool, tisnt’ often one gets it handed to one on a platter like this. Sex as homework!!
3) I get the, “this doesn’t seem to be working, how can I salvage it”
But what I dont’ quite get is whether he shifts into:
a) This isn’t working, and I really want the sex, mode (lust)
b) That didnt’ work, and now I look like a jerk, and she might even tell Alvin mode (social panic)
I don’t quite get either one.
>>You know,” he said. “There is a way we could cut right to the chase
“You know,” he said, leaning forward (possibly: and putting his hand on mine), “there is a way….”
Or, for a very different feel,
He finished, and sat back in his chair, looking at me in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. “You know,” he said, ” If you were up to it there is a way we could cut right to the chase and establish the kinds of intimacy we need very quickly.” He paused. “How about a hookup?”
>>“OK, so… how do we do this?”
I am trying to figure out:
1) If this diffidence is part of your larger ‘becoming a girl’ thing or
2) Your way of expressing her nervousness
Perhaps it is because, when I am nervous, about half the time I try to control the situation. Letting the other person decide ‘how we should do this’ is a loss of control, which would scare me more.
I dunno, still thinking about this.
>>Since I now had nearly $40 in Marsha’s purse from a few sewing jobs, I wouldn’t have to suffer the indignity of having him treat me, as though it were a date.
not quite ‘my purse’ eh?
And I would have let Jared pay for everything. That would be, like, cool. I’m a real cheapskate. 🙂
Decided to go look it up:
http://media.www.gwhatchet.com/media/storage/paper332/news/2005/10/03/CampusNews/The-Hookup.Culture.Having.Casual.Relationships.Is.The.New.Dating-1006650.shtml
Addition to my review posted, nothing that doesn’t appear here.
>>his suggesting frightened me
Typo: his suggesting IT frightened me
looking for something on ‘show vs tell’, and found a good post:
http://www.floggingthequill.com/flogging_the_quill/2006/week6/index.html
Thanks for the “show vs tell” post; It is certainly possible that I do more “telling” that I should, but in most cases, I do so because I want to place emphasis on certain interactions. Those are the ones that I turn into dialog, except when I get lazy (as I did with the original version of chapter 30). In the case of the conversations at the Grill, I don’t think the details of their conversation before the proposition are interesting. I will try to clarify Marsh’s reaction, though. And with the confession to Lee Ann, I’ve already shown that conversation, so I don’t want to repeat it. I can try to bring more of Lee Ann’s reaction in.
The character of Jared is a bit tricky, and I apparently have not shown him well, so I need to fix that part of the conversation.
It is not the ‘details’ that are interesting, it is that I cannot get into the ‘mood’ that terminates with the proposition without them.
IMO emphasis cannot be well done by trying to do what you do here. Instead of making a good emphasis, you lose mood.
The post puts it way better than I can.
I had a long talk (on the way back in the ambulance) with a friend who is much more into the whole ‘hookup’ thing, and he agreed that Jareds proposal needs work; either he thinks it is going well, so lets hookup or, as I suggest, he sees it isn’t so he explains why hooking up would work..
Off home now. Bye.
Even with the revision? I did try to rewrite it with dialog. I didn’t like the result.
I don’t know if I agree with Von or not. Your approach to Jared’s proposition is open to interpretation. Following Von’s suggestion, if Jared is indeed part of the swinger culture, then his approach to it would be naturally lukewarm, as it is here. However, having read the previous chapter, Jared’s motives seem less motivated by the need to fluidly portray intimacy on stage as they are by the need to swiftly achieve intimacy with Marsh. His interest in dating, the speed in which he agrees to Alvin’s suggestion- all lead to the concept that he has a very very strong thing for Marsh. Following this interpretation, I suggest the following edit:
“This isn’t working, is it? … It’s a perfectly healthy activity, and it could break the ice for us.”
All parts in this section pertaining to Jared’s behavior seem too laid-back and dismissive about the act of sex, even more so when you consider his reaction to Marsh’s refusal later on. I suggest something less like “Hey, let’s have sex,” and more something along the lines of manipulation. Suggest a change of scenery, bring up something to change up the pace of the conversation. Someone who’s bent on getting someone in the sack will do whatever it takes to keep the conversation moving in that direction, either physically or mentally. For example:
Jared: “You know what? This isn’t working for me. Let’s get out of here.”
Marsh: This sudden change seemed very familiar, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. It certainly wasn’t a tactic I’d ever used before. “What did you have in mind?”
Jared: “You know- change of scenery? A little walk to get the juices flowing?”
Use this to launch into a more sudden approach to the topic. Have Jared make the advance suddenly but with great practice- as if he’s done this before and had success with it. His objective at this point in time is to bed Marsh, not to perform well in the play. Marsh can be free to react exactly as she did, but this time with the added physical discomfort that he/she has displayed in previous chapters, thus adding to the scene’s intensity.
Just a suggestion. You know me- I’m always for turning the volume up.
Hadn’t read the revision. Better. Got to go to work in just a sec, but first blush, you need to do something with the hand on the wrist… some physical reaction.
Better with Jared, other comments still apply 🙁
No internet today, will see you in a couple of days. Von
Not only didn’t get the revision, didn’t see Tenkens comments either. I’m not sure I would use the phrase ‘juices flowing’ as it is a double entendre, but I like his suggestions… with the caveats I have already listed.
Oh, BTW, there is something wrong with your feed. chapter 30 seems to be the last page, unless you look carefully; and the webfictionguide feed lists 30 as the last chapter.
I’d like to see your rewrite, if you still have it.
Hmm?? I checked the RSS feed and it shows all 32 chapters, and if I look at chapter 30, it shows a link to chapter 31.
webfiction guide as of yesterday showed up to chapter 30, thats fixed today.
And section two still stops at chapter thirty, without their being a section 3.
>> was calming down, and at this point I wasn’t sure that my own reaction wasn’t affecting me more than Jared’s suggestion.
I dont’ quite get this.
>>But I snatched back my wrist from his touch, which had suddenly become vile.
*become* implies it was something before; but you don’t tell us what it was before.
“You way want to stay away from him, Marsh.” Should probably be “may”, not “way”
“Russ says:
Thanks for the “show vs tell” post; It is certainly possible that I do more “telling” that I should.”
I like the narrative. If it was all dialogue, it would be more like a play and less like a novel. LOADS of books have more narrative, and I prefer it.
Narrative is showing, and dialoge is showing.
Telling is: “We had a long conversation about sex.”
Instead of, “So, have you ever slept with anyone?”
Telling is, “It was a very interesting trip, and we got to the house late.”
Instead of, “We had only driven a mile before we had a blow out. Father got out of the car to fix it, and almost got run over by a semi-truck. And Junior had to pee, and said so the whole time Father was changing the tire.”
Telling is: “She could see I was upset and so I had to tell her all about it.”
The post I linked gives a very good summary. (that was telling 🙂
😛
>>I was flabbergasted.
The paragraph which this sentence is in doesn’t seem to really show much panicky reaction. I mean, Marsh is thinking calmly about past facts regarding Geoff, and even gets distracted into thinking about whether the hookup culture is a good idea. I would have thought if she was really panicky, she wouldn’t be able to distract her mind from the immediate moment.
>>took a careful look at my pale face and
>> exclaimed, “Oh my God! What happened to you?”
To me those two don’t go together. Either Lee Ann is rushing and exclaiming, or she is calmly and quietly concerned. Either can be real concern, but to me they don’t jive in the same reaction, unless you have her exclaim only after she notices that something is wrong.
Just my two cents.
Dad and I were talking about this, and it was interesting the different reactions we had to Jared’s proposal.
When I finished this chapter I was really seriously mad at Jared. I really can’t imagine how you are going to have Marsh go on with the play, now that Jared has shown up to be the kind of guy who doesn’t respect limits.
Dad pointed out to me that all of this really is in Marsh’s thoughts, that Jared doesn’t really do anything except break the rules for how to make a perfectly acceptable proposal. To me the proposal was not perfectly acceptable, probably because of my background, and so I really have a hard time liking Jared.
This is probably the same reason I struggle with liking Chad, because of his obvious and shameless porn habit, and his willingness to talk about it in front of girls, which to me really makes it much worse. If Marsha had always shown herself to be sexually promiscuous, and really ‘unladylike’ then I would have seen that as much more normal, but for him to casually talk about peeping up a girls skirt to the very girl who’s skirt he peeped up is to me completely unacceptable.